How long does it take you to learn something new? More importantly, what are your expectations about how long it should take?
In today’s world, we’re surrounded by advice on how to build habits and learn new skills. From “it takes 30 days to build a habit” to “a good night’s sleep rewires your brain,” we’re inundated with snippets of pseudoscience promising quick fixes. While these ideas might hold some truth, they often set unrealistic expectations, leading to frustration when our progress doesn’t match the hype.
The reality? Learning is a complex, deeply individual process that can’t be rushed. Understanding this process—and embracing it—can transform how we approach growth and change.
The four stages of learning
Learning isn’t just a mental exercise; it’s a neuro-psycho-physiological journey. To make meaningful progress, we naturally move through four key stages:
Unconscious Incompetence: At this stage, we don’t know what we don’t know. There’s no awareness of our lack of skill or understanding, and therefore no action to change.
Conscious Incompetence: This is where awareness kicks in. We begin to realize our shortcomings—whether it’s struggling to play an instrument, learning a language, or adopting a healthier habit. This stage often feels uncomfortable, but it’s also the spark for growth.
Conscious Competence: Here, we start to build skill, but it requires intentional effort. Every step of the process is deliberate, and we’re acutely aware of what we’re doing to achieve the desired outcome.
Unconscious CompetenceFinally, with enough practice, the new skill or habit becomes second nature. It happens automatically, without requiring conscious thought. Think of driving a car or typing on a keyboard—things that once took immense effort but now feel effortless.
Why this process takes time
The transition from one stage to the next isn’t immediate, nor should it be. Learning is a process of rewiring your brain—literally. Neural pathways must form and strengthen, and this can’t happen overnight. It’s not just mental effort; it’s a physiological adaptation involving your brain, body, and emotions.
But here’s the challenge: our minds often resist the discomfort of these stages, especially the second one. We want to skip ahead, to bypass the awkwardness and frustration of not being good at something. Unfortunately, from a neurological perspective, there are no shortcuts. The process matters, and skipping it simply isn’t possible.
How to embrace the learning journey
Adjust Your Expectations: Forget arbitrary timelines. Whether it takes 30 days or 300 days, the time it takes you to learn depends on your unique circumstances. Focus on consistency over speed.
Be Kind to Yourself: Learning often comes with setbacks and struggles. Instead of judging yourself for “not getting it yet,” recognise the value of the stage you’re in. Every step, no matter how small, moves you forward.
Practice Patience: Progress might feel slow, but it’s happening. Each deliberate action strengthens the neural pathways needed to make the skill or habit stick.
Celebrate Every Stage: From becoming aware of what you don’t know to mastering something effortlessly, every stage is worth celebrating. Each one represents growth and effort.
The message: Enjoy the process
Learning something new is a journey, not a race. It’s a rich, transformative process that requires time, effort, and patience. Rather than rushing to the end, embrace each stage for what it is—a critical step in your growth.
So, the next time you’re frustrated by how long it’s taking to learn a new skill or habit, take a deep breath. Remind yourself that learning is a process, one that unfolds in its own time. And most importantly, give yourself the grace to enjoy the ride.
