Have you ever caught yourself saying or doing something and thought, That sounded just like my mom (or dad)!? Many of our behaviours, reactions, and ways of relating to the world are not entirely our own. They’re inherited from our family of origin, the culture we grew up in, and the influential figures we admired as children. Recognising these inherited behaviours is the first step toward choosing how we want to appear in the world.
The Blueprint of Inherited Behaviours
From a young age, we look up to those around us—parents, caregivers, teachers, and peers. We observe how they operate, react, and relate to others, creating an internal blueprint for how we navigate the world. These imprinted patterns often shape our habits and reactions in ways we don’t consciously choose.
For example:
A parent’s competitiveness might become your default way of engaging with challenges.
A family culture of emotional suppression might lead you to avoid vulnerability.
A caregiver’s nurturing nature might inspire your own empathy and care for others.
While some of these inherited traits serve us well, others might not align with the person we aspire to be.
Is This Behaviour Chosen or Inherited?
It can be helpful to pause and ask yourself:
Is this behaviour inherited, or is it a conscious choice?
Does this reaction genuinely align with my values and who I want to be?
By identifying which behaviours are inherited and which are intentional, you gain the power to rewrite your scripts. You are not locked into patterns from your past—you can choose new ways of thinking, feeling, and acting that better serve your goals and values.
Rewriting the Script: A Personal Example
I grew up in a highly competitive environment. For years, that competitiveness seeped into every aspect of my life—how I worked, how I related to others, and even how I thought about myself. It felt deeply ingrained, like a part of who I was.
But over time, I realized that competitiveness wasn’t serving me in the way I wanted. So I started to make small changes:
Each time a competitive thought arose, I consciously replaced it with a new habit: meeting situations with compassion, collaboration, and connection instead.
Slowly, these new habits became my default response.
Now, I feel free to choose between competitiveness when it’s constructive and collaboration when it’s more meaningful. This flexibility feels more aligned with who I want to be.
Steps to Rewrite Your Behavioural Blueprint
Pause and Reflect- The next time you notice a behaviour you don’t like, ask yourself:
Is this inherited from my past?
Do I want to keep this behaviour?
Choose New Scripts- Decide how you want to think, feel, and act instead. Write these new scripts down if it helps. For example:
Replace impatience with patience.
Trade criticism for encouragement.
Practice Moment-to-Moment Selection- Each time the old behaviour arises, consciously choose the new one. With repetition, the new behaviour will feel more natural.
Celebrate Progress- Acknowledge your efforts to align your actions with your values. Small wins lead to lasting change.
Owning Your Evolution
While we are undeniably shaped by our past, we are also creators of our present. By recognising inherited behaviours and choosing which to keep and which to rewrite, we step into a more coherent and authentic way of being.
Remember, you are not just a product of your past—you are also a product of your moment-to-moment psychological selection. So the next time a behaviour arises, pause, reflect, and decide. Own your ability to evolve, and see how it transforms your day—and your life.
